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GET HELP
Victim advocates advise how to leave abusive relationships
All morning in her head, Julie Ferrari kept telling herself, "You could go to a shelter."
Though the violence had escalated in her marriage over the last year, she wasn't sure how she finally arrived at the thought of going to a domestic violence shelter.
"In the back of my mind, I knew I was going to do this," she said. "I took the step to call, so I knew it's what I wanted to do."
An estimated 20 million men and women per year are physically abused by an intimate partner; according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) - this equates to an average of about 20 people per minute. Oftentimes, they don't know where to go and who can help.
Whether or not survivors are staying in the shelter, they can access counseling for themselves and their children - this includes drug and alcohol therapy if needed.
Once a person comes in for services, the shelter can help people with anything from obtaining birth certificates and passports to housing and job assistance. If the survivors are unable to get some of these items, such identification, shelters can help them get new paperwork.
There is even legal advocacy, in which people from the Legal Aid Center of Southern Nevada, 725 E Charleston Blvd., offer services.
Because there might be other needs survivors have, such as access to food and clothing. Shelters try to partner with other community agencies for anything is can't provide.
Ferrari said he found a way to push her buttons and would try to instigate arguments. Violence only occured in small bouts, manifesting every few years.
But in the end is when Ferrari said he got consistently more violent.
"I would wear long sleeves during summer to hide bruises," she said. "He never hit me in the face. He thought it out."
The last six months of the relationship, Ferrari said she was emotionally checked out. One morning in 2014, she decided to look up information online on domestic violence shelters.
After talking to an advocate over the phone, she decided this was her moment.
"So I left with the clothes on my back," she said. "I stayed at the shelter five months to the day."
In addition to a safe place to finally lay her head, Ferrari also spent the next few months with the organization preparing for her next steps.
"I had to map out where I would be a year from now, then six months from now," she said.
Ferrari set attainable goals: save money, get as much counseling as possible and get an apartment.
"Looking back on that list, I was able to check off everything," she said.
By being able to access both individual and group therapy throughout her time there, she learned everything from healthy boundaries to independent living. She has also attended group meetings with other survivors.
"That has been very therapeutic," she said.